it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
