why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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