Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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