Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
