rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
