I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
