Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
