This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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