We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
