My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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