just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
