I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
