i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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