Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
