Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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