what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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