3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
