Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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