You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
