I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
