There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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