She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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