She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
