he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can I color on your dick again?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
