'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Enjoy the penises
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
