Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
