I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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