I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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