who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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