OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
