it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
