I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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