update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
