You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
