So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Acid is not a monday night drug
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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