you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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