just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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