So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
