his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
