so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
