i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
