this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
