So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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