Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
