Kiss
Puke
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
