oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
