So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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