I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
