I think I am morally bankrupt
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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