I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and she was petting her beer can
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
