My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
