You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
what day is it and did you see me today?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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