i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
