my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
