too bad you live with your parents still
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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