even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
