My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
third nipple confirmed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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