I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
