i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
