We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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