I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize