Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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