no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
