Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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