remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
