his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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