I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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