Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
