Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
