I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
