And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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