I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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