What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
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